[1]
When we hear about a domestic violence dispute, we automatically jump to the conclusion that a woman’s husband or boyfriend must have beaten her up. We don’t need to hear any facts or details surrounding the situation; we already know which party plays which role. Although it’s safe to say that a woman is the victim of domestic violence more often than not, that’s not always the case. It’s rare that we hear about it, but men too fall victim to this intimate crime.
Men become victims of domestic violence far more often than one might think. In a study done by the U.S. Department of Justice in 2001, they concluded that an estimated 103,220 men claimed victim of domestic abuse.[2] Compared to the 588,490 estimated female victims that same year, that figure seems pretty miniscule. However, something that needs to be taken into consideration is the amount of incidents that go unreported. Both male and female victims fail to report violent incidents for a variety of reasons, but there are more male victims that refuse to alert the authorities than there are female victims who fail to do so.
One of the reasons a man might decide against reporting a violent domestic dispute is because he believes the responding officers aren’t going to listen to him. He knows that when the officers show up on the doorstep and they see the size difference between he and his wife, they’ll think it’s a situation he should have been able to handle himself. Moreover, if he shows a bruise or a cut along his face, he believes that the officers will likely think the injury was from work or sports or something completely unrelated.[3] After all, it’s the public perception that women aren’t that aggressive; it’s not lady-like. He believes the officers won’t do anything more than show up; they’ll respond to the call, tell everyone to calm down and then leave. This then provokes his wife, thereby creating an even more hostile environment. A man with this mindset declines reporting the incident to avoid digging his hole deeper.
Another reason a man might decide against calling the police is that, worse than the officers not doing anything, he fears he will be the one getting arrested.[4] As noted above, the man may already think the officers won’t believe that his wife or girlfriend, conveniently half his size, physically abused him. Even more discouraging is his assumption that the officers are going to take the woman’s side over his, overlooking the bruises and other physical evidence by acting solely on stereotypical gender roles. The victim may fear that out of spite for calling the police, his abusive girlfriend will play the victim role by flipping the facts around, thereby making him the batterer. Due to public perception of women being the likely victim in these types of situations, his fear becomes a reality when the officers arrest him for the crime. Just as he thought, he never should have reported the incident.
Perhaps the most prevalent reason so many battered men choose to remain silent on the issue is because they feel shame and embarrassment. In a sense, they feel that they’ve failed as a boyfriend/husband. They don’t know how to make the women they’re with happy, so they are emasculated. For many of them, they feel that a “real man” would be able to keep his woman in check. Moreover, the embarrassment of getting beaten on by a woman can quickly wound an ego. These men feel the shame of not being able to keep their girlfriends/wives under control, thereby making them feel like less of a man. Looking at the situation in this point of view, why would they want others to look at them the way they look at themselves? This also adds to the above issue of fearing arrest. Just like most people in our society, police officers share these traditional gender role expectations that a man should be in control of his relationship. “This adds to the legal and regulatory presumption that the offender is a man. As a result, the police are reluctant to arrest women for domestic assault.”
The reasons why men don’t broadcast being abused by their girlfriends and wives have to do with pride, the belief that nobody will listen, and shame. They also share some of the same reasons women don’t report abusive incidents: self worth, reluctance to give up the good with the bad, inertia and denial. It’s taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence, but nothing’s really been done to encourage men to report abuse.[5] Although women are less often the abusers, these unspoken victims need to be heard.
[1] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NomPlNWeIV8&feature=related
[2] http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/ipv01.pdf
[3] http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm
[4] http://www.menweb.org/battered/bathelpwhymen.htm
[5] http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm
When we hear about a domestic violence dispute, we automatically jump to the conclusion that a woman’s husband or boyfriend must have beaten her up. We don’t need to hear any facts or details surrounding the situation; we already know which party plays which role. Although it’s safe to say that a woman is the victim of domestic violence more often than not, that’s not always the case. It’s rare that we hear about it, but men too fall victim to this intimate crime.
Men become victims of domestic violence far more often than one might think. In a study done by the U.S. Department of Justice in 2001, they concluded that an estimated 103,220 men claimed victim of domestic abuse.[2] Compared to the 588,490 estimated female victims that same year, that figure seems pretty miniscule. However, something that needs to be taken into consideration is the amount of incidents that go unreported. Both male and female victims fail to report violent incidents for a variety of reasons, but there are more male victims that refuse to alert the authorities than there are female victims who fail to do so.
One of the reasons a man might decide against reporting a violent domestic dispute is because he believes the responding officers aren’t going to listen to him. He knows that when the officers show up on the doorstep and they see the size difference between he and his wife, they’ll think it’s a situation he should have been able to handle himself. Moreover, if he shows a bruise or a cut along his face, he believes that the officers will likely think the injury was from work or sports or something completely unrelated.[3] After all, it’s the public perception that women aren’t that aggressive; it’s not lady-like. He believes the officers won’t do anything more than show up; they’ll respond to the call, tell everyone to calm down and then leave. This then provokes his wife, thereby creating an even more hostile environment. A man with this mindset declines reporting the incident to avoid digging his hole deeper.
Another reason a man might decide against calling the police is that, worse than the officers not doing anything, he fears he will be the one getting arrested.[4] As noted above, the man may already think the officers won’t believe that his wife or girlfriend, conveniently half his size, physically abused him. Even more discouraging is his assumption that the officers are going to take the woman’s side over his, overlooking the bruises and other physical evidence by acting solely on stereotypical gender roles. The victim may fear that out of spite for calling the police, his abusive girlfriend will play the victim role by flipping the facts around, thereby making him the batterer. Due to public perception of women being the likely victim in these types of situations, his fear becomes a reality when the officers arrest him for the crime. Just as he thought, he never should have reported the incident.
Perhaps the most prevalent reason so many battered men choose to remain silent on the issue is because they feel shame and embarrassment. In a sense, they feel that they’ve failed as a boyfriend/husband. They don’t know how to make the women they’re with happy, so they are emasculated. For many of them, they feel that a “real man” would be able to keep his woman in check. Moreover, the embarrassment of getting beaten on by a woman can quickly wound an ego. These men feel the shame of not being able to keep their girlfriends/wives under control, thereby making them feel like less of a man. Looking at the situation in this point of view, why would they want others to look at them the way they look at themselves? This also adds to the above issue of fearing arrest. Just like most people in our society, police officers share these traditional gender role expectations that a man should be in control of his relationship. “This adds to the legal and regulatory presumption that the offender is a man. As a result, the police are reluctant to arrest women for domestic assault.”
The reasons why men don’t broadcast being abused by their girlfriends and wives have to do with pride, the belief that nobody will listen, and shame. They also share some of the same reasons women don’t report abusive incidents: self worth, reluctance to give up the good with the bad, inertia and denial. It’s taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence, but nothing’s really been done to encourage men to report abuse.[5] Although women are less often the abusers, these unspoken victims need to be heard.
[1] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NomPlNWeIV8&feature=related
[2] http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/ipv01.pdf
[3] http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm
[4] http://www.menweb.org/battered/bathelpwhymen.htm
[5] http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm
I thought this was very interesting. You forget that men also can be the victims of domestic violence. As some one who is wanting to go into policing, its to be good reminder never to judge to situation.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. It happens a lot more often than one would think, but it's rarely discussed. For officers responding to such a call, I think it's important they communicate and explore all acusations before jumping to a conclusion based on nothing more than stereotypical gender roles.
ReplyDelete