Why They Abuse

Most people, batterers included, know that domestic violence is wrong. The same can be said about other crimes committed by individuals who are knowingly violating the law. The major difference here, however, is the personal nature of domestic violence. People make the choice to initially get involved with their spouses. They start dating and decide if that person is a fit. If the answer is yes, they choose to move in together and often choose to start a family; they fall in love. What is it, then, that would make somebody do something so unloving as to inflict physical pain upon the person they choose to be with?

There are several different arguments as to why an individual may become violent. Some experts have found that interpersonal violence is learned and transmitted from one generation to the next. Studies have demonstrated that children who are raised by aggressive parents tend to grow up to be aggressive adults (investigation book). This is one of the major factors contributing to the continuing violence within particular families. By nature, we learn by example. A kid who witnesses his dad knock his mom across the room because she refused to do something may grow up thinking, “So that’s how I get my girl to do what I tell her.” For this reason, among others, boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.[1]

It is a traumatic thing for a child to witness his/her parents hit each other. However, the more frequently these fights occur, the more immune to them the child becomes. Over time, the child becomes numb and views the behavior as a normal occurrence. It’s reasonable to expect that some of these children grow up with the mindset that this violent behavior is expected, and that a fight is the only way to get the point across.

Another contributing factor to domestic violence is more psychological; it deals with the idea of power and control. These batterers, who tend to be men more often than not, view their role as “man of the house” more primitively than most. They believe that as men, they need to express their own dominance, both vocally and physically. They believe they should be in charge of all aspects of the relationship.[2] These types of abusers have a psychological need to get what they want when they want it. If for any reason things don’t go the way it was envisioned, a physical consequence is likely to follow.

A more extreme psychological view deals with people who physically control their family members for the sheer pleasure of doing it. A batterer of this type, who has gone through treatment, was quoted as saying: “The beatings, the verbal abuse and the intimidation were all about control. It was like having a new toy. I had the buttons and I could make her do whatever I wanted. I was trying to intimidate her. I wanted to control her for the simple reason that I knew I could do it. It made me feel powerful.” [3]
Every man who commits domestic violence has an excuse, but the bottom line is that the abusers believe they have a right to control the women.[4] Whether the behavior is learned or if it’s more psychological, people need to realize that this type of violence isn’t a circumstance or a situation; it’s a characteristic.

[1] http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf
[2] http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/abuse/a/990407.htm

[3] http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/abuse/a/990407.htm

[4] http://alcoholism.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=alcoholism&cdn=health&tm=339&gps=327_711_1131_713&f=00&su=p284.9.336.ip_p736.8.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.leavingabuse.com/cycle_of_abuse.html